Tips and Tools for Navigating Relationships as You Grieve

The death of a loved one can leave survivors feeling uncertain about what lies ahead and where to begin their path forward. Relationships can also feel different and strained compared to what they were before, and you may be in need of some tender loving care.

In the aftermath, you may notice that:

• Family members and friends get quiet when you’re in the room, perhaps fearing that they might say the wrong thing.
• You feel alone.
• Things that formerly brought you joy no longer do.
• You have mixed feelings when you see couples laughing and having a good time.

Relationship with yourself

Taking care of yourself and watching out for your overall well-being might feel more difficult when you’re grieving. But it is also a necessary part of the healing process and can have a positive effect on your other relationships as well. Here are some resources that can help:

• View the Mourners Bill of Rights for a list of rights that help make healing possible.
• Seek counseling and/or a support group.
• Take care of yourself, both physically and emotionally.
• Keep a journal to document your feelings, especially if you cannot talk about them.
• Understand healthy ways to cope with what you’re feeling.
• Access this course about navigating the full range of complicated emotions.
• Care for yourself while grieving.

Relationships with family

Family can be a place people turn to when they’re in a crisis. But when it comes to these connections, things may be awkward at first.

The following resources can help maintain these relationships:

• Understand that family members may process grief differently and have varying needs.
• Build a plan that honors the needs of each family member, especially during milestones and events that may trigger intense emotions.
• Develop healthy boundaries and respect the boundaries of others who are also grieving.
• Embrace transformation while honoring those who have died.

Also you can find help at Sesame Street for Military Families, which is a free, bilingual (English and Spanish) website where families can find grief support services, including Little Children, Big Challenges.

Relationships with a spouse or partner

Perhaps the most important connection is with a spouse or partner. There are many variables that can put a strain on this relationship, including the death of someone close to one or both of the spouses.

But here are some resources that can help:

• View this webinar for couples after the loss of a child.
• Strengthen your communication skills with a series of personalized coaching sessions.

You can also reinforce your relationship by utilizing these resources and tools from the Better Relationships Within Your Reach page:

• “Love Every Day” Texts to Rekindle Romance
• Quick Checkup With a Relationship Pro
• Personalized Coaching for Healthy Relationships

Relationships with children

Another vital relationship for survivors is with their children. It can be difficult to know what your child is thinking or how your grief might complicate things and close the lines of communication. They may be sensitive to what you’re experiencing and be afraid to discuss their feelings.

This article about bereavement camps provides information on camps for children working through their grief. The following resources can also help during these difficult times:

• What Bereaved Kids Want to Know is a webinar that discusses what grief is like for children and teenagers and what bereaved kids want adults to know.
• Something Small: A Story About Remembering is geared toward young children to help them keep the happy memories of their loved one alive by celebrating their life.
• Helping Grieving Children and Teens Cope With Difficult Emotions is a webinar designed to help grieving children and teens deal with difficult emotions.

Relationships with friends

Friends are sometimes the most vital source of support. But these relationships can become strained as well, especially since emotions can be more one-sided.

For example, a friend may care deeply for you but also be afraid of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time so as not to hurt your feelings, which might make them seem unsupportive.

One way you can help is by sharing this handout Tenets of Companioning the Bereaved with a friend to give them a better understanding of how to be there for you.

This Military OneSource article titled Tools and Tips for Navigating the Holidays as a Survivor also provides guidance, such as asking a friend for help when holidays and memories become too overwhelming.

Future romantic relationships

There may come a time following the death of a spouse or partner when you’re ready to explore new romantic relationships. But this can be a difficult transition, not only for a parent, but for the children as well.