How to Identify and Address Bullying Behavior

What is bullying?

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention defines bullying as “any unwanted aggressive behavior(s) by another youth or group of youths, who are not siblings or current dating partners, that involves an observed or perceived power imbalance and is repeated multiple times or is highly likely to be repeated.”

Bullying may inflict physical, psychological, social or educational harm on the targeted youth.

Bullying behaviors include:

• Teasing, name-calling and taunting
• Spreading rumors about someone or intentionally embarrassing someone in a public setting
• Hitting, kicking, tripping, punching or spitting
• Taking or damaging someone else’s belongings

The real or perceived imbalance of power can result from:

• Being physically able to hurt others
• Participating in a group that outnumbers the targeted individual or group
• Being more assertive and confident to initiate the behavior or engage in sophisticated, subtle ways to make fun of someone in a way that goes unnoticed by adults
• Possessing higher social status and the ability to turn others against the target of the bullying
• Having access to embarrassing or private information

Why children and teens engage in bullying behaviors

Children engage in bullying behavior for a number of reasons, including:

• They may be struggling to manage emotions such as anger, frustration or insecurity. Unloading these emotions on another child can make the child or teen feel more important, more popular or more powerful.
• Youth may not understand that their behavior is not OK. They target those who are not like them — in looks, race, religion, social or economic standing and numerous other ways children differ from each other — because they have not learned how to understand and accept differences or work out conflicts or disagreements.
• Children are copying aggressive or unkind behavior they see at home. Youth who are taunted at home — by siblings, parents or other family members and caregivers — learn they can control others through bullying behavior.

Bullying is a behavior, not an identity. Anyone can be bullied, and anyone — male or female, popular or unpopular, those doing well in school and those who are not — can engage in bullying behaviors. But new behaviors can be learned, and bullying can be curtailed or stopped.

Signs your child could be bullying others

Children who are bullying others often exhibit one or more of these traits:

• Are unwilling to accept responsibility for their actions and behaviors, either at home or in school
• Are quick to blame others for their problems or unwanted situations
• Lack empathy, compassion or understanding of others’ feelings
• Are being bullied themselves
• Seem overly worried about their reputation or popularity or are trying to fit in with peers who engage in bullying behavior
• Want to be in control or are highly competitive in sports, academics or recreational games, which by itself is not uncommon, but may be cause for concern if it accompanies other behaviors on this list
• Are frequently sent to the principal’s office or to detention
• Do not recognize that their behavior is aggressive or believe they are just teasing or joking
• Have frequent physical or verbal fights fueled by frustration, anxiety, depression or the inability to control anger
• Are increasingly aggressive with parents or guardians, siblings and friends
• Hang around with individuals who bully others
• Have unexplained extra money or unfamiliar belongings in their possession

How to help a child engaging in bullying behaviors

Bullying is common, and there are interventions that can help correct the behavior. The most important thing is to deal with the behavior immediately. There are numerous ways to help your family cope with and correct bullying behavior, as well as tools and resources to help restore stability to your child’s school, home and social environments.