How To Help a Child Who Is Being Bullied

Children react in different ways when being bullied. Early warning signs may include a child saying that other children or groups of children are being mean or do not like them. It may also include gossiping or making hurtful comments, or perhaps manipulating them in some way. In addition to these comments in conversation, be on the lookout for changes in behavior. A child who is being bullied may experience one or more of the following:

• Unexplainable injuries, such as bruises, cuts and scratches
• Frequent headaches and/or stomachaches
• Increased mood swings, tears and tantrums, or aggressive or unreasonable behavior
• Changes in sleep patterns
• Declining grades or a lack of interest in attending school or social functions
• Changes in eating patterns, including loss of appetite, overeating or coming home from school hungry
• Lost or damaged clothing or possessions, including schoolbooks, electronics, money and jewelry

It’s OK for parents to step in when they see changes in behaviors, moods or in how their children talk about friends. Take steps to engage with them to get to the root of their worries.

Keeping a pulse on your child’s social and school environment may help keep unwanted behaviors and situations from escalating. The foundation for helping your child begins with establishing a nurturing home environment early on:

• Talk to your children about how to treat others and how they should expect to be treated.
• Emphasize the importance of identifying trusted adults they can turn to — in school and during extracurricular activities.
• Set up a time each school day for your child to share with you how things went at school.
• Discuss the best and worst moments of their day. Ask how these situations made them feel.
• Pay close attention to who your child spends time with and be aware of changes to friend groups.
• Strive to make yourself available for conversation whenever your child is with you — in the car, before dinner, at bedtime, etc. Let them know that they can come to you to talk whenever they need to.

If you’re concerned that your child may be getting bullied, there are tools and resources available to help you explore the situation and address the unwanted behavior:

• Ask specific questions to gain a better understanding of their school and social situations. Examples include:
  • Who do you socialize with on the bus/at lunch/during recess?
  • Do you sit with the same children every day? If your friends aren’t around, is there anyone else you hang out with?
  • Does anyone get picked on or called names on the bus, at recess, in the halls or in restrooms? Has this ever happened to you?
  • Do you feel safe? If not, where do you feel unsafe?
• Listen to their answers and acknowledge any difficult situations. Ask if they would like your help with the situation. This choice offers them a feeling of control in a situation in which they believe there is no control. Let them know your help could include talking to a teacher, engaging the parents of the bullying child or brainstorming ways for them to solve the problem on their own.
• Be sure they understand where they can turn for help if someone or something is bothering them — at home, at school or on the bus. This includes other trusted adults if you are not available, whether it be a teacher or counselor at school or a bus driver if they are off school property.
• Equip them with the necessary skills to deal with bullies. Consult resources such as StopBullying.gov, which is aimed at helping children, youth and adults deal with bullying behavior. You can also get ideas and help from Bullying Is a Pain in the Brain.
• Engage with fellow students through the Youth Sponsorship Program at your installation’s youth center. Your school liaison or youth programs director can connect your child to youth programs staff and children of the same age to help widen their social support network.

In addition to partnering with children to help them feel more in control of certain situations, make sure they understand that there may be times when you need to act more assertively to advocate for them — especially for children who have been injured, assaulted or robbed. It’s important for children to understand that those acts against them are unacceptable and that you may need to involve teachers and administrators to help resolve the matter. If bullying behavior has escalated, you can:

• Consult with the school’s administration if the bullying occurs during school hours, on school property or on the school bus. Administrators are required to protect the identity of students.
• Contact your local school liaison. School liaisons can help you find the resources you need. For younger children, these include Trevor Romain’s transition materials and Sesame Street for Military Families wellness information.
  
  For older children and teens, your school liaison can make youth sponsorship referrals and offer conflict resolution support and alternative schooling options. Before making a PCS move, have your school liaison help you and your children make a school selection that factors in the clubs, sports and religious activities that are important to them. School liaisons can also connect children to the new organizations prior to the move to ensure a smooth transition.

• Connect to counseling resources for you and your child through community members such as guidance counselors, pastors and other religious leaders, therapists and doctors. Learn more about counseling options for service members and their families through Military OneSource.
• Explore children and youth counseling services, also available through Military OneSource. Licensed counselors can help with changes at home, communication and relationships at home and school, and behavioral issues. You can also contact your installation’s Military and Family Support Center and ask to be connected to child and youth behavioral counselors near you. Your child may appreciate having a supportive, unbiased adult with whom to discuss the situation.
  • Children ages 6-17 are eligible for non-medical counseling through Military OneSource, in person or through secure video session. Children ages 6-12 must attend sessions with a parent present for the entire session, while children ages 13-17 only need a parent available at the start of the session to give permission for them to participate.
  • Military and Family Life Counseling offers free short-term, non-medical counseling to immediate family members or surviving family members. Children 18 and younger need written consent from a parent.
• Contact the Military Crisis Line immediately if your child exhibits self-destructive behavior, including talk of suicide. Experts are available 24/7. Call 988, then press 1. You can also start a conversation via an online chat, or text 838255 from your phone or mobile device.