How to Create and Maintain Routines

Military living is full of change and uncertainty, and maintaining routines can help children and teens feel grounded and secure. Routines with predictable mealtimes, homework schedules and bedtime rituals can help your entire family thrive. Schedules and routines help establish expectations and create a calmer household by reducing the stress and anxiety associated with unpredictability.

Children, youth and teens crave the sense of control that comes from knowing what to expect, especially with regard to sleeping and eating. Research shows that routines have a positive impact on time management and self-monitoring, help develop a sense of responsibility, provide children, youth and teens with feelings of safety and security, and reduce attention difficulties later in life.

Creating routines

Establishing routines for your family doesn’t mean scheduling every hour of the day in 10-minute blocks or adding to your busy life. It means creating more order around the things you already do.

Here are some suggestions to help you develop achievable routines:

• Keep routines simple. Start with the basics — a predictable mealtime, homework routine and bedtime ritual. Sesame Street for Military Families offers support for morning separation, long waits, bedtime preparation and other experiences your young child may face each day. Starting small with simple routines can also benefit teens who are not used to structure.
• Be realistic. If you get home from work at 6 p.m., a 7 p.m. bedtime probably isn’t achievable. Think carefully about your family’s schedule to guide your timing to determine what is best for meals, bath time and reading together before bedtime.
• Be patient. Routines require practice and time for your child to get used to them. Adjust expectations and be patient. Work with your older children and teens to establish goals for routines, and cultivate habits they value and believe will benefit them.
• Try to have meals together as a family whenever possible. Research repeatedly confirms this is one of the most important routines for family connection and security. When doable, aim to have everyone eat at the same time and encourage no mobile devices at the table to reduce distraction and promote conversation. Make mealtimes run more smoothly by having your child set the table or help with another pre-meal task.
• Ease into nap time and bedtime. There’s no on-off switch for children. Gradually wind down by doing a diaper change, taking a bathroom trip or bath, or reading stories to help them slow down. Older children and teens also benefit from quiet routine before bedtime. Model putting your devices to sleep as well. Studies show that eliminating blue light exposure a couple of hours before bedtime aids in a restful night’s sleep.
• Keep the same general structure. Use the same sequence of events at nighttime — for example, bath-pajamas-stories-sleep — to avoid delay tactics and other games. Try to keep the weekend routine similar to the weekday as far as snacks and naps.

Maintaining routines

Sticking to your routine may take a bit of discipline on your part. Use these tips to help you stay the course:

• Remind yourself that your child looks forward to certain routines. Whether you have young children or teenagers, children rely on predictability for a feeling of security.
• Well-established routines can help your child adjust during challenging times. It will be easier for your child to manage deployments, moves or a new sibling if there is comfort and security with respect to schedules.
• Keep your routines simple. The more complex the routine, the harder it will be to maintain. It’s better for your child to have a few expectations that are met than several things that are not consistently achieved.
• It’s okay to shake up the elements of the routine. Let your partner or someone else run the bedtime routine once in a while so your child gets used to others handling the duty. This will come in handy if you’re deployed or if you use a babysitter.
• Be flexible. Your routine may need to be adjusted occasionally because of things outside of your control, like holidays, vacations and daylight saving time.
• Don’t be afraid to adjust your routines. As your child grows, you will need to adjust elements of the routine to fit with your child’s changes. You might be able to ditch the nap, for instance, but you’ll need to create a new routine for homework. Make small adjustments that best fit your family’s changing schedule.
• Understand that deployments will shift family routines. You and your family will need to make adjustments when you or your spouse deploy. Get tips to help your family transition before, during and after deployment.