Thinking of marrying a service member? There are lots of great reasons to marry — and some reasons that may not be strong enough for a lifelong commitment. Successful military marriages call for love, as well as resilience, trust, shared values and more. Read through these questions as a couple to determine if your relationship is military strong.
Communication and trust
- Are you prepared for separation? Long deployments, separations and other military obligations bring challenges civilians typically don’t face. You may be apart for months at a time — for holidays, birthdays and family events.
- Are you marrying before your significant other is leaving because you’re worried your relationship will fall apart if you don’t? If you doubt your relationship will last a separation, it probably won’t last a lifetime.
- Do you trust each other? Military marriage requires more blind trust than your average marriage. Are you confident both of you will be faithful during separations?
- How do you handle important decisions? Do you discuss them with each other and make decisions together, including military career decisions, such as whether to reenlist? Major decisions take the commitment of two.
Resolving conflicts
- Are you quick to lose your temper? Do you criticize one another in public? Are you jealous? Being critical or losing your temper is a sign of an unhealthy or disrespectful relationship.
- Do you “argue well”? Do you argue over little things? Or avoid conflict? If you have a disagreement, do you talk in a way that respects the other’s contributions, feelings and viewpoints? Married couples fare better when they recognize what’s worth arguing about and what’s not.
Career, education and finances
- Do you trust each other with money? Will you be comfortable sharing a checking account and credit card? Do you have similar financial goals, and have you discussed finances, savings and investments?
- Do you have educational goals? If so, you may need to earn a degree through an online university or program, or face possible relocation during your schooling.
- Do you agree on whether you should both work? Is your career flexible for a military marriage? Will that change if you choose to start a family?
Home and family life
- Do you share the same basic values, the same expectations for physical intimacy? Do you feel the same way about having children and how to raise them? Compatibility goes a long, long way in a successful marriage.
- Do you agree on the role religion or spirituality will play in your lives and the lives of your children?
- Are you prepared to move often and possibly see less of your family and friends? You’ll need to adapt to new social situations, make new friends and get involved — and be prepared for certain obligations to military readiness groups.
Looking inward
- Can you imagine yourselves together far into the future?
- Are you strong enough to handle life on your own? During deployment, crises may arise. Make sure you can handle finances, home maintenance and repairs alone.
- Are you marrying primarily to access military benefits? While this is certainly tempting, by itself it’s not enough reason to enter into a legally binding contract with another person.
How did you do?
It’s good to be honest and know a military marriage may bring an exciting life, as well as its own challenges. Be prepared — you are more likely to enjoy a strong and healthy relationship.
Read the MilLife Guide Getting Married in the Military and discover other resources to strengthen your relationship.
If you have questions, contact your local Military and Family Support Center or call Military OneSource at 800-342-9647.
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