Understanding and Supporting the Military Spouse in Your Life

Military spouses hold a unique and important role in upholding our nation’s strength. Their support to those who serve the country is vital to force morale and readiness. If you aren’t or have never been a military spouse, it can be tough to figure out how to show your support. Learning about life as a military spouse is a good place to start.

Life as a Military Spouse
Showing Your Support
Resources for Military Spouses

Life as a military spouse

The life of a military spouse may be filled with exciting new adventures along with periods of separation and loneliness.

Spouses exhibit flexibility and strength as they balance career and family demands with the challenges of military life – and often do so independently while their partner focuses on their mission.

While individual experiences may differ, life as a military spouse generally involves:

• Frequent moves. On average, military families move to a new duty station every two to three years. It can be difficult to leave jobs, say goodbye to friends and start over in a new and unfamiliar community. While they get the opportunity to live in different parts of the country and, in some cases, the world, each move comes with the challenge of adapting to a new environment and culture.
• Separations from extended family. Moves are bound to take the military spouse in your life far from close friends and family. This can cause feelings of isolation and loneliness, but it also can enrich their lives as they meet new people and engage with their community.
• Separations from their partner. Deployments can be hard on everyone in the family. For spouses, the challenge of taking care of things at home on their own can be overwhelming. They may worry about their partner’s safety and miss their companionship. While deployed, service members may miss important events – birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, even the birth of a child. However, military families tend to find creative ways to include the deployed member in these events. And while deployments can take their toll, they can also show spouses just how much they are capable of handling on their own.
• Finding ways to reconnect when their partner returns home from deployment. There is often a readjustment period when a service member returns from deployment. The spouse at home may have established a new routine while the returning spouse may wonder where they fit into the household. This can be a rocky period in a relationship that requires patience and lots of communication.

Showing your support for the military spouse in your life

Military spouses tend to be resilient. Over time, they develop new skills, create new support systems and learn to adapt to changing circumstances. Any extra support or recognition that you show the military spouse in your life can go a long way toward making them feel strong and understood.

• Call and check in. It’s nice to do this any time, but particularly meaningful during deployments, after a recent move or during other times you know the spouse may be under strain
• Send a card. A handwritten note is always a welcome surprise.
• Offer to take the kids for a night, if you live close enough. A night off from parenting responsibilities to reconnect with a partner or just enjoy some solitude is a huge gift.
• Make a meal or send a gift card to a local restaurant. Whether it’s eat-in or takeout, everyone enjoys a night off from cooking.
• Offer to be a listening ear. Let the military spouse in your life know that you want to be a supportive person in their life. Often that means just being available to listen.

Resources for military spouses

There are a number of resources to support military spouses. See if the spouse in your life is familiar with them.

• The Spouse Education and Career Opportunities program. Frequent moves and other challenges of military life can get in the way of a spouse’s career. SECO supports military spouses with education and career guidance, scholarships and partnerships with employers who have committed to recruit, hire, promote and retain military spouses.
• Non-medical counseling. Free and confidential non-medical counseling is available on the installation through the Military and Family Life Counseling program and through Military OneSource.
• Building Healthy Relationships specialty consultation. Free and confidential, this specialty consultation from Military OneSource features a number of tracks, including Strengthening the Couple Connection, Staying Connected While Away, Reconnecting After Deployment and MilSpouse Toolkit.
• Re the We on Military OneSource features links to services, resources and expert guidance to rekindle, repair or reset a relationship.
• The Blog Brigade features posts from military spouses about a range of topics, including military life, deployment, parenting, relationships, career and education, health and wellness and moving.